those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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