How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
