I am in a vortex of obligation.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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