why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
