I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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