Plan B is the new Plan A
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
