Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
