I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
