Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize