he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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