it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
