she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
