from now on my penis is your penis
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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