his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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