I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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