i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
