I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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