My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
