it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i think my cat just said my name.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
