I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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