Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
