Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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