Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
