We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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