I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
