im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
