I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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