ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
