She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
