Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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