i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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