so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
