OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
