I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize