I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just want to make out with him forever
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
