So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
