tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
