I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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