I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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