I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
