Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
