Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
