Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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