The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
