nut hugger
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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