He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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