We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
tell me about the eggs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
