I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
