Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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