i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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