you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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