Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
