i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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