Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
