last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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