I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
