Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
