I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A+ Viking dick
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
