i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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