i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
