Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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