OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
