and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
