I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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