Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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