I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
