I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
