I must be too annoying 4 u.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
