I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
