Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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