Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
