That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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