I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
