just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
