we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
