There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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