you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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