he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
