someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
