: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
