wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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