next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
