apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
