Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
