tell your sister to shave her snatch
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
